Dear Special Snowflake,
You are not as great as you think you are. You have many people fooled, but you can’t fool me. Three strikes and you’re out, kiddo. Stop trying to look innocent. I know the truth. First you decided that you didn’t like your beta cells so you killed them–murderer. Strike one. Then you thought that maybe you should go into over-production mode with other cells and blew your thyroid all out of proportion. That was strike number two. Yet you still were not fired for gross incompetence at your job. Your boss thought about it, but couldn’t find a good replacement–and temp work just wasn’t going to cut it. So she decided to give you one more shot. And what did you do? You decided that you would quit your job 7 weeks early and cause a whole lot of trouble and anxiety for your boss and her baby. Strike three you jerk. Stop messing with me. Or I will find a way to punish you.