B and I were contemplating the complete destruction that LLF had wrought upon our apartment the other day (in the space of about 5 minutes) and decided that if LLF was airdropped behind enemy lines here is how things would go down:
SCENE: The enemy camp. Night. The ENEMY snores peacefully in happy ignorance of what is about to befall them. A little PACKAGE drops from the sky and staggers to its feet, eating its parachute to avoid leaving any sign of its passage.
(34 seconds later)
An ALARM sounds.
In the DARK, there are yells and crashes.
2nd LIEUTENANT: Sir!! Our guns, they’re gone!
COMMANDER (falls out of bed, entangled in a blanket that has been wrapped around his ankles): Where are my pants!?
3rd LIEUTENANT: OW! My feet! What is all over the floor? Alphabet letters with the sharp sides facing up?! (falls over in agony, clutching his insteps)
4th LIEUTENANT: Sir! All the night lights are missing their bulbs! We’re fighting blind!
LAUNDRY ENSIGN: Hey, these pants aren’t dirty! And who put all the kleenex in the laundry so our uniforms have little white pills all over them?!
COOK (from the mess tent): My God, why are the recycling bins filled with guns and everyone’s left glove?! What kind of monster are we dealing with!?
THE PACKAGE: RRROOOOAAARRRRRRR!
CAPTAIN: Commander! Our top secret invasion plans! They’ve been chewed into sodden little balls and stuck in between cushions on the sofa!
GENERAL (attempting to pull the too-small hat off his head THE PACKAGE jammed on): We are undone! WE SURRENDER!
Because that is how LLF rolls.